Mostly Harmless Tangos

They're all part of the fun, but I wonder how many of my species you recognise?

• Powerpoint tango
• S ... p ... a ... c ... e ... d ... O ... u ... t ... t ... a ... n ... g ... o (Remember the super-super-super slo-mo when Channel 4 had the cricket?)
• iPod tango (what are you listening to? Is it good?)
• Supreme Pontiff tango (I'm just the audience)
• Motorised Corset tango (please may I breathe when we get where we're going?)
• Bad Sex tango (noisy, but the ceiling needs painting)
• Frog-in-a-blender milonga (heels down, heels down, heels down - oops!)
• 8-step basic vals

I'm getting fewer of them all as my own dancing gets better, but the mildest sense of adventure usually gets you one. A mental taxonomy is my way of dealing with it, although if I get the giggles while I'm actually dancing it can be tricky to explain away. I almost did that once tonight, so I thought I'd spread it around.

My limited experience (following only) doesn't allow me to know what the equivalent follower faults are. I've heard about the wet fish and the kung-fu princess, and I've seen lipstick in some surprising places. I'm almost starting to be tempted to find out.