Thursday, 26 November 2009

The Adventures of Saj

I have just been very much cheered up by an overheard conversation on the Tube.

The speaker, who for the purpose of this story I shall call Saj, was a man of about twenty years, insigificant build, immature facial hair, lots of gel, and somewhat deceptively innocent appearance. He described his exploits and adventures as a Londoner and Manchester United supporter (you may now have detected a certain nonconformity) to two friends, the more vocal of whom I shall call Jaz.

SAJ

So I'm on the Victoria Line and the coach was FULL of Arsenal supporters. I'm there in my United shirt and it's FULL of Arsenal supporters. And me! And they're going "YOU-Manc BAS-tard! YOU-Manc BAS-tard!!"

JAZ

Ff.

SAJ

And then they all got off at, where is it, Finsbury Park. And it was so full, they picked me up and carried me, they carried me, onto the platform with them. About eight of them, they just picked me up.

JAZ

Ff!

SAJ

I couldn't do nothing about it. They just picked me up and carried me, and I was on the platform. And then they went, "YOU-ehhh! YOU-ehhh! YOU-ehh!!" And the train went.

JAZ

Ff.

SAJ

And then they all went. And I had to wait four minutes for another train.

JAZ

That is quite funny, actually.

SAJ

And then, I was at Kensington tube, and it was a Champions League night, it was the night United had lost to, to, and Chelsea won, and there was all these Chelsea supporters and they all got on the train.

JAZ

Yeah?

SAJ

So I stood there in front of the door and I went "CHEL-sea RENT-boys!! CHEL-sea RENT-boys!!" through the door and the doors closed, and the train moved, and I thought, they can't get me now!

JAZ

...

SAJ

And then one of them pulled the emergency cord!

JAZ

...!

SAJ

And the train stopped!

JAZ

...!

SAJ

So I went, "Oh, Shit!!" and ran as fast as I could down the platform.

JAZ

Hhh!

SAJ

And they nearly stopped me at the front of the station, you know, because they thought, like I'd done something, why the cord was pulled.

JAZ

He, he, he!

SAJ

Sometimes I have to question my sanity, I really do.

7 comments:

ghost said...

rofl

From my mispent youth...

Two groups of teenagers on the top deck of a bus posturing over their two football teams and getting more and more worked up. One of the girls looked at me and asks "Who do you support?" Deadly silence. This is going to go one of two ways - either

a) I choose one of the two sides and as I'm about 2 years older than them at this point that'll tip the balance enough for the fight to kick off and I'll probably be on the winning side

or

b) I name another side and everyone attacks me.

Answers on a postcard ;o)

Captain Jep said...

or

c) "I dont watch football, I'm a rugger man myself"

but I'll assume you were either a) or b) ...

Will assume also that they werent Millwall fans :)

So ... I reckon you chose some obscure second division side - or some team from Scotland - you pansy lol ;)

ghost said...

Hee, wise man. Bonus points for suggesting c.

There followed a moment of consideration as to whether either of the sides had any grievances with said obscure team (nope). Then why did I support them? Because I am that nationality. Followed by a discussion of did anyone else on the bus support a "foreign" team and "some of those foreigners are actually quite good footballers aren't they?" Peace was restored :o)

David Bailey said...

d) "Pardon? Je ne parle pas Anglais" :)

ghost said...

e) The Rincewind defence

:o)

tangogales said...

My! so many issues here.
Firstly the Rincewind defence, would be to climb inside luggage and dissapear.
On the issue of Man United 90% of so called supporters have never been to a game, never mind come from Manchester.
Finally our "Saj" sounds like an asian to me, refreshing to see that non of the animosity was blamed on racialism, more a case of boys will be boys.

msHedgehog said...

@tangogales - I think the Rincewind defence would be to run away, so he employed that successfully. And yes, I had the same impression.