I don't mind if people don't dance with me.
It seems pretty silly to me when people get all paranoid and resentful because someone doesn't dance with them, or hasn't danced with them, and then start thinking up weird and wonderful self-serving theories about why. Abusing people because they don't want to dance with you is kind of understandable, and it's pretty harmless if you're also the sort who instantly forgets all about it as soon as they do (since all your friends probably know that, and aren't going to take you seriously) but I think it's narcissistic and daft.
This is something people do
for fun. Nobody has to dance with anyone unless they want to; there doesn't have to be a reason. There certainly doesn't have to be a good reason, or a justification. There is no obligation to dance, so there is nothing to justify. This is one of those points where the clichéd analogy between tango and sex is really sort of useful for getting your head right. It's kind of in the same way that nobody owes you sex, no matter how wonderful you are. Even if you're paying, they
still have to want to do it, even if it's only for money. Otherwise you are both doing the wrong thing.
It's only tango. They're not assessing you for a mortgage. Nor are they there to serve you. It doesn't have to be fair, or above board. They have to
want to do it. For some reason that's good enough for them. Otherwise it's pointless.
And the reasons why people do or don't dance with me, if they even have any, are not my problem and are not my business. In fact, generally, what other people think about me is none of my business. If the dance under consideration is not fun whereever your head is, you shouldn't do it. Neither of us should.
Sometimes I'm just not their cup of tea. They may not like the vibe. This is okay. It's totally okay if you don't dance with me because I have an Annoying Personality, you don't like my dress, my earrings scare you, my clever remarks get on your nerves, my hair tickles, you disapprove of bloggers, you are intimidated by my previous partner, you're just not that into the kind of dance I like, I remind you of a cousin you can't stand, or you can, frankly, see a better option for this tanda. Or for any other reasonable or unreasonable cause. It's okay with me.
Tastes, world-views, and priorities are diverse, so no-one can expect everyone to like them. That just isn't sane or reasonable. It doesn't even happen in Star-Trek-World.
Reality check again. Occasionally I have felt a upset
when (not because) someone didn't dance with me. But every time I can remember feeling like that, it hasn't actually been anything at all to do with dancing. It's been people I knew fairly well, and it's been about how they were behaving towards me as a person in a wider context, and I probably would have preferred a conversation to a dance anyway. When I sat down and thought quietly about what was annoying me, I've always found that the dance wasn't even close to being what I was disappointed about. [One exception when I thought we'd agreed to dance and I really really wanted to, but those accidents happen.] When I get fed up, I get fed up about the same old personal insecurities, or because I missed my dinner, not about dancing.
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